Screw You X-Pac
So, I was checking my usual newsite http://www.1wrestling.com and in the lariat I believe was on Tuesday,Scherer reported that X-Pac walked out and threatened to quit because he didn't like the way he was being booked.
Now, on RAW Monday X-Pac's job was to lay down to the Hardyz. It appears to me that X-Pac truly beleives that he
is a main eventer and that he's too good to job to the Hardy Boyz,well f*#k him. When Road Dogg and X-Pac teamed up who jobbed to them first to help get them over, the Hardy Boyz. When the "main eventer" headlined his "supergroup",X-Factor, and they needed to get over who jobbed to them first,the Hardy Boyz. When they decided to concentrate on the Lightheavyweight Division by putting the title on X-Pac,who did he win it from,Jeff Hardy.
As a Hardyz fan I've sat back and watched them job to every piecemeal tag team that the WWE has thrown at them.I've watched as Jeff and Matt were layed out staring at the ceiling as the T&As,DXs,and X-Factors of the WWE celebrated and eventually dissapated because they could not sustain any heat.
The last two years of continous jobbing has put quite a dent in the Hardyz heat but they still seem to stay over because
of their workrate and suicidal style, and that's a testament to the Hardy Boyz. Hey, I pretty much know that every time
Matt and Jeff hit the ring,they're going to lose,but I cheer for them anyways because I know they're going to bust their
asses to entertain me. I pretty much beleive that with the slightest of push the Hardyz would be more popular than ever.
How a guy like X-Pac,a guy who has benefited from the Hardyz winless streak, a guy who only gets heat because people really just don't like him not because he's talented,could threaten to quit because he didn't want to job to them astonishs me.
Now,is not the time in wrestling to pander to guys like X-Pac. Ratings are way down, and it's going to take an overall team effort to dig themselves out of this hole.If a guy like X-Pac doesn't want to be a team player get rid of him, there's already too many people on the roster and guys that have developmental contracts, to placate this ratings killer.
In closing I'd just like to say, f*** you X-Pac.
WWF RAW for the Xbox Review:
Last weekend I got WWF Raw for the Xbox so I thought I'd do a quick review. If you've read reviews for the game it's gotten a really bad rap but I'd still like to start with the negative aspects of the game.
First off,match types are really limited. It has one on one,tag team,triple threat,and four way matches. Also,the matches can be changed from regular to hardcore. If you look at the list above it's easy to see that their are no cage matches,table matches, or ladder matches. I really didn't mind not having cage matches because most of the time,as in both Smackdown games,climbing out of the cage is a real pain in the ass on the player but relatively easy for the computer. Table matches,as in the match ends when the someone is put through the table is also not on the game,but in hardcore mode tables are available and table spots can be performed.The hardcore setting also has ladders,which come in handy if your doing say a spinebuster onto the ladder on your opponent,but you can't climb the ladder and perform any aerial tactics.
Another downside is the like of a season/career mode with storylines.While I would have enjoyed this option,I have to admint that on both versions of Smackdown I only played the career mode long enough to unlock characters and then I played whatever matches I felt like.
The last downside is the lack of post WCW buyout wrestlers. The most recent addition to this game is Taijiri, so it lacks such prominent additions as RVD, Booker T, the Hurricane,etc. Now let's move onto the postitive aspects.
First off,the graphics are absolutely beautiful.The video sequences and entrances are as impressive as the real life influence. The wrestlers look almost lifelike,the only one that I can think of off hand that looks a little funny is William Regal and it's mainly just his waving hand,which is highly disproportianate,but nothing's perfect.
Next are the controls.I've seen a lot of other reviews where people complain that the controls are too difficult. While they are a bit difficult I see this as a plus because it actually takes practice to win.If you've ever played Smackdown you know that basically anyone that can pick up a controller can win at Smackdown,even if they're playing someone who's played 754 matches.
Next,the create a player on this game is excellent. I've created convincing versions of RVD, Booker T,Hurricane Helms,Mr. Perfect, Owen and Bret Hart,Hulk Hogan,DDP, etc. with ease. I would have to say thought that the create a player is a little more difficult to use than the one on Smackdown,but still produces better wrestlers. Another bonus in the create a player is being able to design the entrances for each individual wrestler. THe entrance creator is extensive, it covers ramp lights, spotlights,ring lights,and much more.
The last plus is the fact that dominating this game takes time and practice. To win the WWF title you have to win 12 matches in a row, with only three losses along the way,it sounds easy but it's more difficult than it sounds. The other day I was wrestling for the European title and after beating Matt Hardy,Eddie Guerrero, and Perry Saturn in about eight minutes combined in the first three matches, William Regal (who is one of the better wrestlers on the game) beat three times in a row destroying my chances at the Euro title.
Basically,the game's not good enough to go out and buy an Xbox just to play and the passing wrestling fan probably wouldn't enjoy it but if you own and Xbox and love wrestling I think WWF Raw will fill the spot until the next wresling game comes out. If this intial release is any sign there's great things to come for wrestling games on the Xbox.
Well,another pay per view has come and gone. The first in the new price hike to $35 was also the first to lower it's standards in providing a good solid pay per view. I guess I'm gonna take the time to review it since I have absolutely nothing else to do.(I'm moving soon and most of my other forms of entertainment are packed up.) If I forget something you'll have to forgive my memory. Like most people who have been through traumatic events,I am trying to suppress the memories rather than work through them.I'm sure I'll follow the long list of gun toting disgruntled employees and while they'll find other reasons it will be the suppressed memory of Backlash 2002,and the fans reaction to it that will finally push me over the edge.
I got up this morning and thought I'd jump on the 'net and hear the cries of wrestling fans everywhere that again the WWF had failed, instead here's a few things I read.
"It's great to see Hogan on top of the mountain once again. I've waited 9 long years to see this. I thought it couldn't get any better than his return to the WWF and the red and yellow. I was wrong. This was the "icing on the cake". However, what would make this more complete is a return to the "Real American". That's all that is missing. Imagine hearing that again and seeing Hogan do all his old mannerisms while wearing the belt around his waist. That would be so cool."
First things first.I don't know why but this country is on a total nostalgia trip lately. Suddenly the eighties are cool again, the Transformers and G.I. Joe are back on with updated cartoons, the rock bands of today (actually I should say this week since most people will buy whatever the record labels are telling them to) are nothing more than hair bands with better distortion pedals and less technical guitar ability, teen comedy's in the John Hughes vain (i.e. Pretty in Pink,Sixteen Candles) come out every Friday, and Hulk Hogan as the above quote put it is "on top of the mountain once again." Obviously, in the turbulent times we live in, the children of the 80's are finally coming into full adulthood and have this need to return to simpler times. The problem is the simpler 80's were only simple for us because we were children and had no world perspective. The problems of today were there in the 80's we just weren't old enough to comprehend them. Apparentely, some of us (see above quote) still aren't old enough to comprehend them. Let me get all the pro-Hogan quotes out of the way right now so we can deal with something else.
"Hogan's win would have been that much more special if they played his old school music."
(Hogan's win would have been more special if he'd actually learned a couple of wrestling moves along the way.Don't give me the "he's older now" crap, Ric Flair wrestled Undertaker at wrestlemania and actually made it entertaining.Let me repeat that he wrestled the Undertaker and actually made it entertaining. If Flair can get out there and wrestle at his age why can't Hogan.Because Hogan has never learned how to wrestle.)
"But in the end when Hogan won, we popped for him and you can't take anything away from him, he worked hard and sold as well as he could. Anyone who says Hogan doesn't deserve one last run with the title isn't looking at the big picture and remembering what Hogan did for all of us as wrestling fans"
(What Hogan did for us was hold down talent that could have easily been "the Babe Ruth of wrestling" for example Ted DiBiase,Randy Savage,Ricky Steamboat, and Ric Flair. Saying that because Hogan sold a lot of tickets and T-shirts in the eighties means I should respect him is the same as saying I should respect Motley Crue for selling a lot of Tshirts and tickets.)
"hulk rules 4 life ..........he should be champion till he decides to retire"
(obviously an Oxford graduate)
"I still believe he made the WWF what it is today. He paved the road and showed all future superstars how to entertain, even as a heel!
I was hoping he would win the title and I am glad he did! He deserves it! People are cheering him because they remember.
Watcha gonna do, when Hulk Hogan goes down as the biggest Sports Entertainment superstar of all time?!?"
(Actually Hogan did not make the WWF what it is today.It was the wrestlers of the attitude era who made it what it is today.What Hogan made was Doink the Clown and the Gobbeldygooker.)
"The highlight of the night was Hogan winning, in 20 years of watching wrestling, last night was the first time I've ever jumped out of my seat and yelled, I think it was the first time Hogans been the true underdog and I didnt expect him to win."
(Starting to reach for the shotgun now)
Vince the fans have spoken, and they want repetition.
Anyways on to the rest of the PPV. The following matches were crap and I'm not wasting too much if any time on them:
Billy & Chuck vs. Al Snow & Maven
Bradshaw vs. Scott Hall
Austin vs. Undertaker (Undetaker wins and now we get 1990 again)
RVD vs. Eddie Guerrero - I don't know what happened in this match,is was a decent match but I guess I expected a little more from these two.My cable did go out for about a minute and a half,so it's hard for me to fairly judge this.What I do find interesting is the message that the WWF seems to be sending to the back.Apparentely you're more apt to get a push if you take time off to get drunk and pop some pills than you do for working your ass of in the ring. I love Eddie Guerrero but for him to come back out of no where and win the IC title from RVD just seems to send the message to younger guys that it's not how hard you work but how many people have got you back in the office.
Taijiri vs. Billy Kidman - This was another match I expected maybe a little too much out of. I thought the match started really rough for the first couple of minutes but the two seemed to iron out whatever was going on after that. My main problem with this match though was the fact that it seemed like Taijiri was just killing Kidman almost the whole match.If they're trying to push Kidman,which maybe there not, having him basically get crushed by Taijiri,who they've depushed the hell out of for the last few months, isn't going to help.
Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar- Jeff got squashed which is basically what everyone expected. Who said the era of the big man in wrestling was over? Paul is definetly the most entertaining point of this storyline,my he and Rico can re-open the door for male managers.
Trish vs. Jazz- For the last six months it seems as if the WWF Women's division has improved immensely.Yes,the still have some of their T&A,bikini,bra & panties matches,but I also think that Trish,Jazz,Molly,Lita and Ivory have all put on some really solid matches and have really,at least to me, have been some of the most entertaining matches on the cards. I was a bit disappointed that Jazz won but I was in no way disappointed in the match.My only problem is that if they're are intent on pushing Jazz in a Chyna like role than perhaps she should start putting on just a bit more muscle mass.Maybe Triple H and Vince could share some of their special formula metacuts with her.
Finally the diamond of the pay per view Kurt Angle vs. Edge. Up until last night I had been complaining that I had seen enough of Kurt Angle and Edge.They had wrestled each other so much over the last few months that I didn't think they could really go any further,but again Kurt Angle comes through. Kurt just seems to be able to have a good match with just about anyone and when you put him in the ring with some as talented as Edge he can deliver a great match.I applaud both of these guys,even if I believe that no matter how hard the work they're going to be held down.
Overall,Backlash was a real crapfest.Vince was one-third right when he said the NWO was poison.
Turning to the Bible For Answers
In the Old Testament of the Bible, God makes provisions on how to help the poor and destitute. God tells us that we should set apart a fifth of what we have to help those that are less fortunate than ourselves.I took the time to sit down and see if this could actually be a viable option for society today. Of course, I took into account that in today's society that there would be no way everyone would agree to just hand out a fifth of their hard earned cash and hand it to the people at the bottom of the economic ladder.
I based this system on the current tax levels that our government has established.Currently, tax levels are seperated as follows; the Top 1%,the Top 5%, the Top 10%,the Top 25%,the Top 50%,and the bottom 50%. All of my information was taken directly from the IRS website and our based on the adjusted gross incomes of each level.
So let's get started with the Top 1%,or the what's considered the filthy rich.The Top 1% is populated by 1,260,090 people. The total income for those 1,260,090 is $779,935,065,367, while the average income for each person is $646,707. The total one-fifth contribution from the Top 1%,which would be handed down to the Top 5% below them,would be $155,987,013,073. This would knock the average income for each person down to $495,161,which accounts for a loss of $151,547 per person.While the Top 1% takes a loss,there's no way anyone can argue that $495,161 isn't a totally livable income,in fact there's no way they can argue that it's a gross amount of excess.
The Top 5% of the United States is populated by 6,300,449. The total income amongst the Top 5% is $1,305,022,001,370 and their average earnings are $207,130. Their one-fifth contribution to the Top 10% below them would be $261,004,400,274, or a loss per person of $16,667 which takes their average earnings down to $190,462. Thanks to the Top 1% each individual on the Top 5% would receive a conribution of around $24,000,so inactuality each person would gain a little bit under $8,000 a piece.
The Top 10% of Americans is populated by 12,600,897 and their total income is $1,313,813,624,360. Their average annual income is $104,264. A fifth of their total income is $262,762,724,872. The Top 10% takes the softest hit from the one-fifth rule as their average earnings would drop to $104,124,a loss of a measely $140,while at the same time they would gain $20,000 per individual from the Top 5%.
The total income of the Top 25%,or what's considered the upper-middle class,is $2,215,332,204,812 coming from a population of 31,502,244 people. The average earnings for the Top 25% is $70,323. Their contribution would be $443,066,460,962 and would lower each persons average earnings to $57,815.This would account for a loss of $12,508 and they would receive around $8,000 per person from the Top 10%.Obviously they would be losing money on this system but hey their the ones that are always hit hardest by taxes so what's new.
The Top 50% of the nation,or the middle class, is populated by 63,004,487 and their total combined income is $2,500,848,089,030. Their average earnings are $39,690.Their contribution,which would go to the Bottom 50%,would be $500,169,617,806. The new average earnings of the middle class would be $38,791 costing each person $899. Each person would receive $6,000 from the Top 25% which means each member of the middle class,or what most consider the backbone of America,would gain a little over $5,000 a piece.
The Bottom 50% would be the only group who would not be forced to contribute a fifth of their incomes because they are obviously the lower class,or what are government considers the poor. In America their are 155,393,026 people considered to be poor.The total income of these people amounts to $2,041,275,694,522 with an average yearly income of $13,207. Thanks to the contribution from the Top 50% their total income would be raised to $2,541,445,312,328 and their average income would rise to $16,354. This would be a difference of $3,147 per person.For someone who has absolutely nothing $3,147 would give them the chance to get off of the streets and rebuild their lives.
In this instance the Bible,which a lot people consider outdated and unable to pertain to the problems of today, has an answer that could help American society as a whole. Now most would consider this plan socialism but other than the Top 1% and the Top 25% no money is taken from anyone but gained by everyone.It also allows each group extra capital to help themselves move up to different class levels,so that they could eventually give back what they had taken before.
Now their is obviously one group that is not being affected by this plan at all and that is corporate industry.Their are two reasons they were left out.The first one is that I couldn't find the statistics on the earnings for the major corporations of this country but my original plan had been for them to contribute to the Top 1%.My second reason for not including them was simply that if forced to conrtibute they would do nothing more than add the cost of the contributions to the products they make,insuring that they would still make as much or more than they did before this plan.
America:Land of the Free(to kill anyone we feel necessary)
It's been six months since the 9-11 tragedy and my view points have been on
a roller coaster ride since then. Before 9-11 I was completely
anti-government,it seemed like all they did was protect the rich at the
expense of the poor,who they exploited unmercifully. Shortly after 9-11
though,for the first time in my life, I actually had pride for the ol' US
of A.Like everyone else I believed we were the divine right that had to set
things straight,to take vengeance for the victims of the WTC and
Pentagon,and protect future victims.Much like everything else I wanted
nothing more than to kill Osama.
Lately though,I've returned to my old (and better) ways. I am no longer
supporting the war on terrorism,because we are the terrorists. I'm sure
some of you reading this are already calling me a nazi,or various
expletives that I won't type here.
If you're still reading this and haven't decided that I'm just some
anti-American communist let me pose just a few questions to you. Why is it that days after the attack
wanted Dead or Alive but now our government says that finding him isn't
that important? What proof has the government ever shown you that Saddam
Hussein is connected to 9-11? Why are we about to start a war with Iraq for
building weapons of destruction when we ourselves are working on producing
tactical nuclear weapons to destroy their country? Why is it that when people died
in the attacks of the WTC it was a tragedy but when we kill innocent Afghani citizens
it's considered retribution?Why is it our government's intelligence
agencies have proof that Suddam Hussein is producing
chemical,biological,and nuclear weapons but they had no idea that the
attacks on 9-11 were coming? If Suddam Hussein is such an evil man,which he is of course, then why did we
help put him in power and fund his war on Iran?
The truth is the only thing that the countries that we claim are
anti-freedom are really guilty of is being anti-capitalism.They refuse to
accept the (supposedly) free market that the United States has full control
I've posed a few questions to you and you can do one of two things with
them.You can go out and find answers for yourself and begin to question
what your government is up to do and really face the truth of what the oh
so holy America is really all about,or like the citizens of Nazi Germany
you can turn a blind eye while your country committs genocide.
Best and Worst of 2001:The Last 2001 Recap You'll Read
Well as everyone knows this year American wrestling showed incredible promise and fell falt on it's face.Potential
is a wonderful thing but if you don't make good use of it you might as well not have it at all.In 2000 everyone bitched
and moaned about how awful WCW and ECW was,at this point I think 2001 would have been better if at least one
of the two had continued to exist. Anyways everyone keep in mind that these are my personal favorites and my
prejudices will weigh into my decision.So let's get on with the list.
Match of the Year:Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin(SummerSlam) -I've got to admit that at first I was hardly even looking forward to this
match but by the end like everyone who was watching this match I was completely enthralled.Up to the point of this
match Austin had been playing the pussy heel but he went into this match with the savagery that always lays inside
of Stone Cold.Angle of course played the perfect hero,never giving up,doing his best to combat the evil before him.
The only hinderance to this match of course was the ending even though honestly Nick Patrick made the right call,I
still would like to have seen a clean finish.
Runner Up:Steve Austin vs. Chris Benoit (RAW is War)-This match followed right on the tails of Angle vs. Austin and I think either
one deserves to be Match of the Year,but I just enjoyed Angle vs. Austin a little bit more.
Worst Match of the Year:Anything with Justin Credible.I'd rather watch the Rock than this pile of sh** and if you knew
me you'd know that that is a really strong statement.
Wrestler of the Year:Steve Austin-I don't think there's any question as to why I picked Austin.His comeback in my opinion started
a little shaky but this year Austin turned the volume up to 10.He was out there full force busting his ass and I don't
think anyone came close to having the intensity of Steve Austin.
Worst Wrestler of the Year:The Rock-As usual Rock continued to rely on his mic skills and charisma and continued
to make any effort to improve his matches.He completely killed Booker T,turning him into a total bore.Of course,
Booker T feuds with Austin and they instantly become the most interesting angle on WWF television.
Feud of the Year:Steve Austin & Triple H vs. Chris Benoit & Chris Jericho-The basic story of this feud was the most
intriguing thing last year.Of course,the injury of Triple H and the subsequent surgery of Chris Benoit cut it short but
let's look at the overall premise.The two top dogs of the company are running over everybody,and even running out
the #1 hero of the company(the Rock). Who should come along as the saviors of the company but two former rivals.
Two up and comers who have had to sit back and watch as the same was done before but they've had enough.Where
others have hidden in fear they stand in the face of evil.Like I said before Triple H's injury hurt the storyling.It was obvious
it was building toward seperate matches one betweeen Triple H and Jericho and one between Austin & Benoit.
Instead we got Austin vs. Jericho vs. Benoit,which was a poor match,one because of Benoit's ailing kneck and two
because Jericho wasn't really at the top of his game.If Benoit and Triple H had not been put on the shelf,this
storyline may have been strong enough to run through the summer.
Worst Feud of the Year-The Rock vs. Booker T-Rock comes back and completely destroy Booker match after match
which killed any interest in Booker T whatsoever.After wrestling the Rock,Booker could have come out with Jesus Christ
as his partner and no one would have cared,instead he got Test.Personally I find that the better feuds are the ones
where both wrestlers get over,and in the case of the Rock that rarely happens.If he's not wrestling someone such
as Austin or Triple H,the Rock doesn't get anyone over.
Gimmick of the Year-Hurricane Helms-I remember watching Shane Helms in WCW.I saw him give his first solo
promo and instantly decided that he didn't have a chance in hell,luckily I was wrong.True the gimmick is a tad bit
goofy and eventually it will run it's couse but I'm picking the gimmick of the year not the century.
Worst gimmick of the Year-The Hip Hop Hippo Albert-The WWF has this incredibly strong wrestler,a guy who can
bench press Kane with ease and they've got him acting like a total jack ass.Yes the crowd will laugh at him now
but it''' be harder for them to take him serious as a bad ass later on which is what a guy with his size and strength
will eventually have to become.
So there's my recap probably the thousandth one you've read in the last couple of weeks but hopefully this is the last
one you'll have to read.So until this time next year,you won't have to see me resort to this unimaginitiive type of
Looking Elsewhere For New Writers
Let's face it lately the WWF writing hasn't been as enticing as it has been in the past,that's not to say
that the shows have been bad.In fact,for the rather weak storylines as of late,I think the wrestling talent themselves
have done their best to keep things interesting.While I myself prefer the focus to be on the actual in ring wrestling
let's face it most fans are brought in by the soap opera. The WWF has been looking for writers but have concentrated
on writers already within the television field,which brings me to my suggestion,comic book writers. Somebody
reading this right now is thinking "Oh great,a federation full of Hurricane Helms," but I'm here to tell you that in the
last twenty years the comic book genre has moved far from the days of strictly superheroes books.Now every
writing genre you can name has a comic book that can coincide with any of them,and often times can contain
multiple genres over several issues.So here's some suggestions of some talented writers that I believe would add
some spice to the WWF.
Best Known Work:The Maxx(self-published),The Incredible Hulk,Sandman
Pros: Sam Kieth has the art of characterization down. His characters,specifically those found in the Maxx, are
completely believable and well rounded. While the Maxx was the title of his most well known work the superhero
of the same name was hardly the star of the book.Each character in this incredible comic,from his love interest
Julier,to his arch villian Mr.Gone, had an integral role in the over all story of the book.This is an important asset that
is currently missing from the WWF product.While the main event players are in semi-thought out storylines,the
undercard is completely devoid of any personality at all.
Kieth also has creative dialog that leaves an impression on you once it's been read.He once did an
entire issue of the Maxx in a Dr.Seuss nursery rhyme style.While this may seem gimmicky,not once did it take
away from the overall story but instead added more depth.
Last but not least,Kieth has past work in developing film scripts, and also helped in the production of
an MTV cartoon series of the Maxx.
Cons: Kieth's main problem would be that in the past he has had some deadline problems.While,most of his
hardcore Maxx fan's could stand to wait a little longer for a new issue,Kieth lost a lot of readers when his release
schedule became eradict.In the WWF,he would be working in a team setting,where as on Maxx he not only wrote
the comic but penciled and lettered it himself,so there may be a possible remedy to his problem.
Secondly,his imagination takes his stories pretty far out there.For example,the Maxx is a bum who thinks
he's a superhero in the real world and in his "outback" he believes he's the protector of the jungle queen. That
one sentence probably confused some of you and I would go into more detail but that would take up the whole
column so if you want to know more buy a couple issues and it might clear things up.Notice I said it might,which
strenghtens my point.Kieth would need someone there to keep him inline with what is possible in wrestling.
Wrestler who I believe would benefit:Raven(his work on the Maxx dealt with dark,urban characters) & Perry Saturn
(He'd have a ball with Saturn's goofball character)
2. Sarah Dyer
Best Known Work: Action Girl Comics,Superman Adventures,Adventures in the DC Universe
Pros: Sarah would bring in lighthearted humor,strong female characters,and insight on popular culture.She also
has previous television work having written episodes of both the Superman Cartoon and the Batman cartoon.
Cons:She's a feminist and there's no way in hell she'd work for the WWF with the way they treat eye candy.
Wrestlers who would benefit:the entire women's division
Best Known Work:Batman:The Dark Knight Returns,Daredevil,Sin City
Pros:Frank Miller is considered by some to be the best writer in comic book history.He has the ability to turn
these superheroes into real people,and unreal situations into something that's seems a little more believable.
He's basically credited with saving both the Batman line of comics and Daredevil in the 80's,and his own book
Sin City broke ground for other writers and artists to publish on their own.He also has previous work with script
development and was one of the writers on the Robocop Sequels(yeah I know that's nothing to brag about but at
least he knows the basics.)
Cons:Miller has a very,very dark style of writing and if someone wasn't there to remind him to keep it light wrestling
fans everywhere may start killing themselves after they finish watching RAW.Another major problem would be
that he usually has full control over whatever project he's working on and having to answer to a team of writers or
Vince may not appeal to him.
Wrestlers who would benefit the most:Billy Kidman(Miller loves proving that size doesn't matter),Chris Benoit
(Miller's characters always seem to talk more with their actions than their words) ,Raven(he gravitates toward
Best Known Work:Superman(writer of the infamous Death of Superman storyline),Justice League of America,X-men
Pros:Jurgens is an expert at working with multiple characters at once,which is necessary in the WWF. When
working with the JLA books Jurgens had the ability to keep all of the characters interesting while but at the same
time there was never any question as to who the big guns were,specifically Superman and Batman. Jurgens also
had a way of making sure to keep the drama and comedy working together instead of overpowering to much on
Cons:Jurgens has worked strictly with superheroes and hasn't shown the range to work on much else.He also has
no previous television work unlike the first three writers on this list.
Wrestlers who would benefit the most:Chris Jericho(Jurgens mix of comedy and drama would work perfectly with
Jericho's character),Hurricane Helms(Jurgen's knows superheroes),Molly Holly(same as Hurricane)
Best Known Work:Madman,Rocket 7,X-Force
Pros: Allred is highly imaginative,and has a defenite cutting edge style.His work on Madman was pure genius and
he has the understanding of working with multiple characters from his work on X-Force. Critics love the guy and he's
shown that he can work a wide range of styles including drama,mystery,comedy,horror,romance,and so on.
Cons:He sometimes gets a little campy and this wouldn't work with the majority of the talent. Also,as in the case
with Frank Miller,Allred is used to having full control of his projects and would be hard pressed to answer to the
writing team and Vince,though I think he'd be a little more agreeable than Miller.
Wrestlers who would benefit the most: Lita(Allred creates really strong female characters even when they don't have
superpowers),the Rock(Allred understands how to make someone average seem super,with the help of the Rock's
natural charisma he could make the Rock seems even more invincible)Triple H(it would work best if Triple H
was heel because Allred's villians are a fowl lot.)
These of course are just my main suggestions as the comic book industry is filled with a whole lot of talent right
now.Not only that,but I guarantee that a writing job with the WWF pays a hell of a lot more than comic books.I think
most of the writers on this list,except Sarah Dyer and possibly Frank Miller,would be open to the creative challenge.
It wouldn't hurt to give one of them a try,I mean really when you break it all down aren't wrestlers just real life
As the Minutemen use to sing-Take our test,Take our test
Times change.It's a basic fact.As times have changed so has the wrestling industry,and most of all so
have the fans. No longer can the fans be split into the two main groups,smarts and marks.Now it seems that
wrestling fans fall into different levels between smart and mark.I have compiled a test to let you see for yourself
whether you are a smart,a mark,or a smart-mark.Now there are different grades of each but to me these our the
three basci types of fans currently watching wrestling.So let's see where you fall.
1. Your favorite Undertaker persona is...
a)the American Bad Ass
b)the Deadman,he's a sellout for changing
c)You're embarrassed that you ever cheered for the Undertaker
2.When Kurt Angle turned heel last month you...
a)couldn't believe he would do that to America.
b)knew it was coming anyways so you didn't care
c)it didn't really matter as long as he remained in the spotlight
3.You've been an ECW fan since...
a)I didn't really see or know anything about ECW until the Alliance angle.
b)the beginning,I was watching ECW while everyone else was buying Vince's crap
c)I was never a huge ECW,Heyman had some decent ideas but it takes more than going through a table to be
a good wrestler
4.When you were a kid your favorite wrestler was...
5.When your friends and yourself are talking about Steve Austin you say...
b)I liked him back when he was the Ringmaster,then he won the King of the Ring and everyone else jumped on
c)He's had an incredible comeback since kneck surgery.
6.You think Jeff Hardy is...
a)Supercute(if you're a girl) a faggot(if you're a guy)
b)is the next Shawn Micheals
c)is entertaining but still needs some seasoning
7.You're favorite female wrestler is..
b)women are nothing more than eye candy
8.What is Kane's real name?
a)I don't know
b)Glen Jacobs,I bet you didn't know he used to be Isaac Yankem DDS and the "New" Diesel
9. When you watch Rob Van Dam you...
a)do the R-V-D thumb gimmick
b)don't take your eyes off of the television set because he's the best wrestler in the world
c)realize that you like him less each time you watch him
10. How long have you like the Rock?
a)I just started watching wrestling a year and half ago but you've like the Rock since then.
b)You liked him since he was Rocky Maivia and just knew he was something special.
c)You still chant "Die,Rocky,Die" but you've got to admit the guy bring's in the fans
Know let's tally the score.
For every time you answered "a" give yourself 1 point
For every time you answered "b" give yourself 2 points
For every time you answered "c" give yourself 3 points
What's your grade?
If you got between 1 to 15 points you're a mark.Now don't let this upset you,as DDP would say "It's not a bad thing
it's a good thing."So what if you can't see that the Rock's just going through the motions,and you don't know Kane's
real name,at least you enjoy the show without any behind the scenes interruption.Plus you get surprised by all of
the surprises (i.e. Ric Flair's re-debut,Jerry Lawler's return) without every internet wrestling sight speculating
about it for two weeks prior.
If you got between 16-25 points or answered "b" to question number 9 you're a Smart-Mark.Now this is a bad
thing.You're a jackass.Just because you know more facts and trivia about wrestling than your peers it doesn't
make you better than them. Being the world's biggest ECW fan,or lying and saying you liked Steve Austin when
he was the Ringmaster,isn't going to make you cooler than the High School Jock's who beat the crap out of
you and your Dungeons and Dragons buddy,and it's not going to get the head cheerleader to pay attention to you.
She still wouldn't piss on your face even if it would cure your chronic acne.You only have one hope,get a life NOW.
Get off your computer this very minute and get a girlfriend.
If you get between 26-30 points your a Smart.You love every aspect of wrestling and you can view it from many
different angles,almost turning it into a philosophy sometimes.When the day ends though you realize it's just
entertainment and that there's more to life than wrestling.Be aware though you're one step to the left or right from
being a smart-mark and if you're not careful you'll find yourself discussing why the WWF is holding down RVD
on 40 different wrestling message boards on the internet.
Hey teens,it's been a while but I'm back with a new column. Now,as to why I haven't written a column lately.My first reason was that I was tired of whining about the WWF,things are getting better with them by the way but before everyone starts kissing their ass two good epsiodes does not make an entire show great. I do commend them on their efforts this week though and hope that they continue in this direction.
Second, I've been busy promoting this website and trying to find ways to promote this website.Hopefully, my work will yield some results. If anybody has any ideas on good ways to promote a website,without banner ads, send me an e-mail.
For some defense on my part thought it's not like I haven't been working on the website at all.I've begone covering OVW's show every week. This was a task that I originally thought would be easy but has turned out to be a bit time consuming.They've got a good federation going,which I'll talk about more in depth soon,so if you are in the viewing area check it out.It comes on WBKI 34 on local TV,and channel WBKI 7 on Insight Cable,11:00 p.m. Saturdays.
My last reason for not updating my column is a my slacker reason,I've been busy playing a video game. The game is called Federation Online.I came upon it on accident last weekend and I haven't been able to stop playing it. Now the graphics on the game aren't the best,they fall between Nintendo and SuperNintendo,but the concept makes it a blast.In the game you're the promoter of a fledgling wrestling federation.You start with a ring and 12 wrestlers,and your goal is to become the #1 television show on the air.The wrestlers are made up of professionals such as Steve Austin,Bret Hart,Triple H,Shawn Micheals,The Rock, Rob Van Dam,and the Ultimate Warrior(?).The other five wrestlers are unknowns that you build or job as you see fit.
Along the way your production team can produce everything from lights,to an announcing booth,to exploding bombs. Only one thing item can be produced at a time and each item takes from one day to three days to produce.
Various things stand in your way on the way to the top.Your main enemy is the network. They can do various things to hinder you from reaching your goal from banning the use of tables,to banning the use of finishing maneuvers,to completely removing your show off of televeision.Luckily,you can produce a group of city slickin' lawyers to talk the network into reversing their decisions.
Your other enemy is the wrestlers themselves. Much like real life some develop egos and refuse to wrestle,or demand title shots.They go off to produce movies,attack fans,and get injured.Between the wrestlers and the network it seems you'll never be able to beat such fabulous programming as Pokemon,Friends,Monday Night RAW, and major league baseball.
If you don't get hung up on graphics and want a wrestling video game challenge,Federation Online is a totally free download.Just point and click to mdickie.com and begin the fun.Until next time,ride the big one.
Views from the Floor or My Night at Raw:
Last night I attended the October 29th edition of Raw Is War and have a few
things I'd like to share with you all.
First and foremost,when buying tickets go for the thirty dollar tickets
because overall floor seats suck.The floor is filled with an abundance of idiots who's
reason for being there is A) getting on TV so they can brag to their friends and B)drink
beer and act like morons. I basically paid forty bucks last night to watch RAW on the
titantron,it's pretty sad when you have to stand up to see the Big Show in the ring.That's
not to say I went just to see Big Show but when sitting on the floor I should be able
to see,at least,the 7' 2",500 lb. Big Show.
Second,if you go to RAW to actually see wrestling you'll see most of it
before RAW ever starts. To me the best matches I saw last night were as follows.
Randy Orton vs. Kanyon. I've kept up with Orton on OVW and the guy is getting better
all the time,and when you put him in the ring with a guy like Kanyon he really did shine.
Prototype & Rico Constantino vs. the Minnesota Stretching Crew.This was a solid
tag match that saw the Minnesota Stretching Crew winning the Southern Tag Team
Titles.Now, a lot on the 'net had already been said about Brock Lesnar but this match
was held together by Constantino and Sheldon Benjamin.Last but not least was Jeff
Hardy vs. Billy Kidman.This match is why I paid forty dollars.Two talented cruiser
weights battling it out.Jeff Hardy still has a ways to go but if he keeps working with
guys like Kidman he'll get there a little quicker.
Next,the place was half empty,literally.They had one half of the arena cut
off.When I went to Judgement Day in 2000 the only seats that were cut off were the
seats behind the Titantron and they cut out as few of those as possible.Going to a
live event will really give you the chance to see how big of a downhill turn wrestling's
popularity has gone.
Crowd heat becomes entertwined on television.When the Rock came out
about a fourth of the audience was booing.Of course,you can't tell it on tv because
the other 3/4 of the audience are cheering but again at Judgement Day 2000 I could
only hear three people jeering the Rock and that was the group of people I was with.
This time the majority of our section broke out into "Rocky Sucks" chants.One
woman tried to defend the people's champion but was quickly destroyed by our
deluge of chants.In fact,I'd have to say the most over man in the building was Stone
Cold Steve Austin.The fans still love the guy,and really he's hardly a heel anyways,
the only thing the fans hate about him is that he's involved with WCW.
Lastly,everyone in the crowd assumed that the traitor was Jericho.Even
with the WWF playing up the 'Taker,they still believed it was Jericho.Thankfully,it
was Kurt Angle,which is what my brother and I figured,I mean really they're just
rehashing what they did with Sgt. Slaughter during Desert Storm.An American
traitor gets over more than an american hero.Let's face it American's are filled
more with hate than they are love.
So to finish let's recap.Buy thrity dollar seats instead of forty. If you're
going for wrestling then just tell people you paid forty dollars to watch Jakked. When
you go the place will be half empty or more.Just because someone's over on TV
doesn't mean they're over in real life.American's are hateful.
No Mercy:Living Up to Low Expectations
To start off with as proof to the WWF's lack of drawing power,this time last year when we had the pay per view at my apartment anywhere from 6 to 8 people would show up,this year it was just me and my brother.To be honest this doesn't
surprise me,what surprises me is that the WWF seems to be making no real attempts to bring people back in.Anyway,onto my match by match ppv thoughts.
The Hardy Boyz vs. Lance Storm & Hurricane Helms-For the lack of build up this match got it was a good opener.There were a coupler of missed spots,the most noticeable being the Hardyz twist of fate/swanton set-up.The quick fast paced
action was enjoyable though.My one question is that why doesn't the WWF use these guys to help build their lightheavyweight division.To me personally singles titles are a little more important than tag team titles,and with these four guys contending for the lightheavyweight title the division would earn the respect it lacks from the fans.
Test vs. Kane - A boring big man match with two guys who I have to watch simply because they're big.Piss break match.
Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler-Thank You WWF for this one and thank you Stacy for bringing a cat of nine tails to the ring.Great T & A action which was all that was intended for this match.
Edge vs. Christian(Ladder Match)-Good ladder match.My main problem was that it seemed Christian was taking all of the dangerous bumps.Edge's splach onto Christian who was on a ladder and the way Christian fell between the ladders at
the end were both particularly brutal.I felt the WWF did a good job building Christian within the match and I can see this feud continuing with possibly more heat than before.
The Dudley Boyz vs. Big Show & Tajiri-The Dudleyz are masters of tag team wrestling and always seem to deliver.I also like the team of Big Show and Tajiri,the big man/little man formula works and these two seem to have a sort of
underlying chemistry between them.It seems as if the WWF is going to back to Big Show & Little Spike but I personally would fly with Big Show/Tajiri.
Undertaker vs. Booker T-Booker T continues to be buried by the WWF,plain and simple.It does seem the spinarooni is gaining some popularity though.
Chris Jericho vs. The Rock-I'd have to say that this match was the one I was looking forward to most and it delivered.I found it fascinating that Jericho recieved only face heat after defeating the Rock.I actually have two theorys on
why.One is that really any one with any intelligence could see that the Rock seemed more like a heel than Jericho.The second is that the ratings are dropping and the people leaving are the Rock's people.The Rock's main reason for being over is his mic work,a place where Jericho himself excels.Jericho on the other hand has the Rock easily beat when it comes to in ring work.The gives Jericho the ability to draw fans across the board where as the Rock only really draws marks.It will be interesting to see if Jericho can take the #1 face spot if ratings continue to drop.
Stone Cold vs. Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van Dam-This match went pretty much as expected.I'm pretty pissed off the way they handled Kurt Angle's involvement in this match. They made it seemed that Kurt wouldn't make a difference if he showed up or not.Vince McMahon's involvement brought nothing to the match,and I'm really not that excited about what will happen after this match.
My expectations for this pay per view were extremely low,except for the Rock & Jericho and Edge vs. Christian,and they pretty muched lived up to my expectations.That,of course,doesn't mean it was a good pay per view.The lack of
push for the undercard severely hurt the excitement of the pay per view,and anything with Kane or the Undertaker hurts the pay per views in my view.I'm pretty definite that other than Jericho vs. the Rock,this one will go in the "never watch again" list.
What I miss about WCW.
Let me start off by explaining that I have never been a big fan of WCW.When I was a kid their were only two federations in my mind,USWA and the WWF.If you tried to get me to watch anything else my basic reply was that there was no Jerry Lawler,who thanks to my dad I was a huge fan of,and there was no Randy Savage. WCW was a joke to me, I hated Ric Flair and Sting was an idiot with face paint,and he still is. Things were different in 1999. I hadn't watched wrestling since mid-97 when my brother got me back into the WWF. I fell in love with wrestling again and couldn't get enough of it,so I turned to WCW. Unfortunately, I started
watching WCW much too late.The WWF was killing them and of course eventually conquered them,and continue to kill them to this day.I watch the WWF now and wish I had Nitro to change the channel to because now when I see the letters WCW,I don't see any of the things that WCW had made me consider them equal to the WWF.Here's just a few
of those things.
1. Jeff Jarrett - When I was a kid watching USWA there was one wrestler I hated more than any other and that was the babyface punk Jeff Jarrett. I carried that hate with me until I started watching wrestling again in 1999. During his feud with Chyna Jeff Jarrett forced me to change my mind about him. Seriously,you have to respect anybody who can make Chyna half interesting.It was Jeff Jarret's that got
me to tune into WCW,when he joined their team I became a fan. WCW gave Double J the chance that the WWF never would,a chance that he rightfully deserved.He had busted his ass for years and not only did he benefit but so did we the fans.Not to mention that he introduced "slapnut" to the lexicon of wrestling pop culture. Unfortunately, he
doesn't quite have all the stroke that he bragged about
because it doesn't look like we'll ever see him in the WWF. The fact that he can make someone who hated him nearly their entire life one of his fans is a testament to his talent.
2.Rey Mysterio Jr.- How the WWF couldn't pick this guy up I'll never know. Night in and night out Rey went out their to entertain. Sure he's not the biggest guy in the business but he was definetely one of the most fun to watch.Not only that he signified one of the best things about WCW...
3...the Cruiserweight Division- One of the most important things that WCW had that set them apart from the WWF was their handling of Crusierweights. WCW didn't pull a Jim Ross and consistently remind us that these guys were smaller. The WWF has some kind of asinine policy where they like to keep crusierweights down by constantly reminding us that they're smaller,thus they may be good wrestlers but they'll never go anywhere because they're too small. WCW let the Cruiserweights do what they did best which was put
on fast paced,exciting matches. With the WWF in control now it seems like the Crusiserweight alternative will be dead in America for a long time.
4. Vampiro- To start off the way WCW handled Vampiro was awful. Sting's not putting him over and his pairing with the Misfits,who are a band I love but would rather not see them wrestle,and ICP,a band I hate and would rather not see or hear at anytime,killed what was a very good basic gimmick. It was no surprise to me that Vampiro eventually grew too frustrated with the ridiculous they handled him to continue on. He delivered great promos and good matches,and was probably one of the more intriguing charatcers on WCW's
5. Team Canada- Again this is another thing WCW screwed up on but in it's beginning Team Canada was great. Lance fit the leadership role perfectly and made it beleivable that a guy like Elix Skipper could win matches with his instruction. The gimmick got over well and it wasn't long before Team Canada signs popped up in 3/4 empty arenas everywhere. While I hated the fact that they had to feud with the MIA,paricularly Lance and Hugh Morrus', they at
least made things interesting.
6. The Natural Born Thrillers- Sure most of the guys were green but in a way that's what made them interesting.Here were a group of young punks who had barely even been trained and they were expecting to be given everything on a silver platter.Let's face it that's exactly how a lot of us feel in our early 20's and it was something I beleive in a way I indentified with.There is one thing in particular
that I miss most about the Natural Born Thrillers...
7...Mike Sanders-This guy could cut a promo.I popped everytime they handed this guy the mic because I knew he could deliver. Sure he could use some in ring work but I honestly don't beleive that the WWF will even invest time into this guy. As the voice of the Natural Born Thrillers,Mike Sanders was a competent leader with a defenite goal. The one thing that I loved most about Mike Sanders was when they paired him with Ric Flair.There was something about the two that just clicked with Flair as the teacher and Sanders as the student. It was something that seemed to advance his character naturally.He may have been a big mouth punk who felt that things were owed to him but he had also realized that maybe some advice from the dirtiest player in the game could advance him far above average quicker.
8. Three Count-Most thought this gimmick was goofy but I loved it. Let's face it the majority of your wrestling fans hate boy bands and to have these guys portray that was ingenious.In paricular I loved when Tank Abbott became their biggest fan and kicking anybodys ass who disrupted their music. These guys also came out and busted their asses
in the ring every week to entertain dismal crowds
with very little respect. I'm happy that Shane Helms has found a niche in the WWF,but sometimes I wished he'd pull the out dot out from under the ring and be joined once again by his tag team partners.
I know a lot of people would probably disagree with this list,and probably beleive that were better off without these guys but at least if WCW was still around we'd all have the choice to live without them.
Heel Turn Baby:Why Chris Jericho's heel turn stole the show for me.
Before I get to the column I thought I'd start off with an introduction of myself.I'm Tim Norris and I'll be writing columns for the purotapes site,hopefully on a weekly basis but to be honest,I'm a slacker and weekly might be a bit much.Hell,I'm so lazy that it takes intiative for me to shower once a week much less write a column for a bunch of holier than thou smarts on the'net. Anyways here goes.
Last night we saw the "biggest" RAW ever,of course until the next "biggest" RAW ever comes up and I was happy with the show overall.While I'm sure the WWF's main priority for the show was the Angle vs. Austin match,what I enjoyed most
about the show was Chris Jericho's heel turn.I have never looked forward to a heel turn more.
First off,let me say that I'm a Jericho mark, I appreciate the job the guy goes out at does night in and night out,but to be honest he had become boring.I prayed nearly every night before RAW, Smackdown, and Pay Per View that I would never, EEEVER have to see Jericho and Stephanie's nightly banter again.Maybe now God has decided that my simple request was more important than world hunger,peace, and homelessness.
Jericho's face turn was not the decision of the WWF but one of the fans.In late 1999 Jericho was feuding with Chyna and as happens more the not the cream of the crop rose in the fans eyes.It was obvious to anyone who watched the feud
that Jericho was ten times the talent Chyna was. Jericho got over quick,even without the marketing machine that is the WWF. So the WWF turned him face and did what they could to keep Chyna face by tying her around Jericho's neck. Even
with Chyna's uselessness on his shoulder's Jericho remained over.
Over the next two years Jericho delivered a lot of laughter to the fans but not a lot of ass kicking.While Benoit and Angle got the nod and moved up the ladder,Jericho stayed on the show as a mouthpiece for the fans hate of Stephanie
McMahon.While at first entertaining,after two years of this nonsense I had started to believe that Jericho would be remembered like Rick Rude, a guy that had everything to become a main eventer but never made it.
Now things have changed.In a main event already overloaded with faces,The Rock,Kurt Angle,Undertaker,and Rob Van Dam, Jericho will get the chance to finally stand out and shine on his own. Hopefully he'll no longer be just comedic relief, or the curtain jerker who gets pops at the beginning of the show but a viable threat to all those he sets his eyes on.
To end this I want to say thank you to the WWF for finally handed Jericho the ball but I'd also like to ask them to give him the chance and not just kick him in the face and take the ball back like they have the last couple of
years.Jericho's a heel and there's really only one question left,"Are you ready?"